Construction started at the age of six with news of my parent’s divorce. Uncertainty and confusion left me wondering if love was real.
The search began. To feel wanted, accepted, and secure. The easiest way was through a boy. He liked me and made me feel important. Until I wasn’t anymore and he found someone better. This happened over and over and over.With each rejection, lie, or disappointment, I picked up a brick, laid down some mortar, and started to build a wall.
It took years to let someone in. I finally opened my heart only to have it broken worse than before. I sat in tears ready to lay another brick but realized how lonely I had become. The wall that had once made me feel safe had turned into a prison, keeping anyone from getting in or out. I distanced myself from friends, family, and even God.
I don’t know what your bricks represent. They may be part of who you are but they don’t have to keep you from having meaningful relationships. I can almost guarantee that you will get let down by others and you will do the same. Choose to open up anyway.
I was recently inspired hearing a story about a man in his sixties going sky-diving. There was nothing getting in the way of this man living his life to the fullest, so I started to think of my own unfulfilled dreams.
Traveling the world was something I always wanted to do. Once I started paying bills, though, reality set in on how much it costs. There will always be reasons not to do something. Whether it is a trip you can’t afford, a job you aren’t qualified for or dreams with too many obstacles.
Instead of limiting your opportunity, try to find a way. You may not have the money for a vacation now but set up a savings plan. You may not be qualified for a certain position, but work hard to learn. As for your dreams, figure out what is keeping you from making them a reality.
Think about the one thing you have always wanted to do. Set up a plan and go for it.
A Little Bird
A little bird told me that your uncle’s third aunt twice removed on your mother’s side said, that you said, I was stuck up.
Rumors. It is very easy to get caught up in listening to and sharing stories about others. I cannot tell you how many relationships are ruined before they even get started. We don’t realize that in gossiping about one person to another, we are painting a picture.
If someone shares details about their life and you take it upon yourself to re-share without their permission, not only do you lose credibility, you also become known as the person who can’t keep a secret.
Don’t be that bird.
Imagine you’re sitting in a crowded room, when suddenly the lights go down and a spotlight is pointed directly at you. Some would get a kick out of having the attention, but most people hate the thought.
Mark 4:22 says:”For nothing is hidden, except to be revealed; nor has anything been secret, but that it would come to light.”
This verse was intimidating because I have hidden secrets. Things I am ashamed of and would never want anyone to know. This verse scared me. I pictured my secrets being revealed and being viewed as a fake. So I hid.
I learned something; as long we are hiding the pieces of us that are filthy, we end up hiding the good, too. Light not only reveals yucky parts, it also reveals beauty, hidden talents, gifts and other amazing things that no one knows.
It is important to challenge ourselves without putting ourselves down. Insecurities cause judgment, envy causes gossip, unchecked bitterness leads to hate, and the list goes on and on. Once these things are brought into the light and are dealt with, the best parts of you will shine.
It’s not all about us, though, that is only the beginning. Once we learn to think past ourselves, God will use every part of who we are to show Jesus to the rest of the world. Jesus is that light and the closer we get to Him, the clearer things get.
Most girls cannot wait to get boobs. For several of my friends the day came and went, but for the rest of us is an invention called the push-up bra. It was awesome! You put it on and instantly it added a couple cup sizes.
One time I was playing soccer and the ball hit me really hard in the chest. I didn’t even flinch because all that padding cushioned the blow…literally. I acted like it never happened. It wasn’t until my early twenties that the bra started to bother me. Aside from the fact that they are extremely uncomfortable, they are also a lie.
Push-up bras remind me of dating. We aim to put a perfect self forward and end up losing ourselves. The goal in dating should be marriage, but by trying to hide every flaw, the process becomes exhausting, stressful and pointless. Eventually, your true self will come out and you’ll have wasted all that time wearing a mask.
Not everyone is going to be attracted to you so stop trying so hard to get noticed in the wrong ways. Your person will learn to accept and maybe even love the flaws. Do both you and your future spouse a favor and be yourself…minus all the extra padding.
When I was a little girl, my family packed up an RV and went up a mountain to watch a meteor shower. Never had I seen such a thing. I still remember the smell of the crisp air and the way it felt thin in my lungs. The silence of the night and an eerie feeling that I was so small in comparison to such a giant sky left me full of wonder.
I was about 12 at the time of this memory. It was before I had a digital camera or Facebook and I didn’t think about sharing it with anyone. If this moment happened within the past five years, I may have missed out.
Instead, much of my time would have been taking photos, trying to share what I saw; but a picture can never do it justice. The lens on my phone isn’t meant to capture wonder, smells and feelings. By trying to capture the moment I would end up missing millions of falling stars just outside the view of my little camera.
Try not to get so caught up in posting the moment that you actually end up missing it all together. When looking at a star filled sky, a camera only captures a glimpse of its reality. So sure, take a couple pictures as a reminder and give yourself the rest of the time to actually have a memory.
In our house, we have three. It is often an argument about how much crap is in them and I am not too prideful to admit that it’s 93 percent my fault. When we first bought the house I had a goal not to have a junk drawer but as time went by the empty spaces got filled with things that didn’t seem to have a place. When you walk into our home, it is tidy and mostly picked up but the junk is still there even if you don’t see it at first.
Unfortunately, this is how I handle situations in my life, too. When there is anger I refuse to admit, frustrations I choose not to confront, or hurt feelings I decide to deny all come up for the world to see, I find a junk drawer to stuff them in.
On the outside, I am put together, happy and full of life but the unresolved feelings are still there; and so much like the mail falling through the back of the drawer to the cabinet below, are my emotions spilling into all areas of my life into places they don’t belong.
Today is January 1, 2016, and all the junk from last year is following me into the new year because I chose not to clean it out. When 2017 hits I want to be able to say just the opposite; instead of ignoring things and shoving them inside, I dealt with it as it came. So, I will put it through the shredder, give it away, find another use or get rid of it.
Happy New Year and cheers to getting rid of the junk.