I’ll always give you just enough of my story but never the rigid details. I’d love to take a nail file to smooth out the sharp edges but it would take years to sleek. The parts that still sting when touched. So when you ask, I quickly answer with something superficial just to get you off my back.
How much do we really let others in? When people ask how we are, an automated reply slips through our lips before we actually give it thought. Because giving an honest answer could crack open a dungeon of paraphernalia. Once exposed, debris of information just might get into the wrong hands.
Does anyone know that you cry yourself to sleep?
Does anyone know you had an abortion?
Does anyone know you were abused?
Does anyone know you lost the love of your life?
Does anyone know you throw up your meals?
Does anyone know how much you hate your reflection?
Does anyone know you want to die?
Does anyone know about the bottle of pills you have, just in case?
Does anyone know you are gay?
Does anyone know you can’t remember the name of the person you had sex with?
Yeah. Let’s go there. Let’s talk about that.
You see my friend, you aren’t as alone as you think. These questions have all been answered yes many times before because incredible people have shared their stories with me.
As honored as I am to have been trusted with such information, I can’t help any of them. Yes, I listened. Yes, I love them. Yes, I care and cry and hurt with them. However, I cannot take any of their pain away any more than I can smooth the edges of my jagged past.
That’s just it, though. None of us are meant to fill voids in another’s life. So, I nudge you toward the only one who can, Jesus.
I know His people get a bad wrap. They are called hypocrites, liars, they can be extremely judgmental and rude. I only know because I am one of them. As much as I try, I just can’t seem to get it right all of the time.
I risk introducing you to all of this because Jesus isn’t the problem. He isn’t any of those things. He is loving, forgiving, intentional and direct. He loves you so much that He doesn’t want you to live in that scary dungeon anymore.
It isn’t easy. In fact, that door just might feel like it weighs 704 pounds and you cannot do it alone. Find some people who care. When that still isn’t enough, look to see that Jesus is there waiting to rip that door right off its hinges. Not ready to expose and laugh, but to expose and cover you with love and compassion only He can give.